I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
