I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
