i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
