I think i peed on brittanys purse
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
