i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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