So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
