so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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