drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
In America we eat man semen.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
