I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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