so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
