nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
