It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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