also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
