Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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