Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
