his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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