I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
