When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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