I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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