i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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