I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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