So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
