well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
