Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
