My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm getting married
To pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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