Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
