I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
