You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
