Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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