Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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