this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
