my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
