i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
