Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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