it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
