idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
