I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
