Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
