You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize