After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
