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According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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