i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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