She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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