i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
