BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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