8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
