We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
