i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
