I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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