There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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