I never want to see another naked old woman again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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