I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
tell me about the fingering
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
