Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
