my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
