That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
