Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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