Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
