We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's the barista slut.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
