hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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