I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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