I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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