I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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