Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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