My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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