just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Come on in and take your pants off
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