Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize