thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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